They often say that familiarity breeds contempt, and sometimes, familiarity can become an enemy in marriage. We too often take the other partner for granted and stop trying to woo and seduce them like we did in the early days. This is one of the biggest traps in marriage and one that can often lead to monotony in the bedroom. While dry spells are normal in even the healthiest marriages, it doesn’t mean you should sit idle and wait with your arms crossed for something to happen. In this article, we’re going to give you a few tips on how to spice up sex in your relationship.
Communication is Key
If you feel like sexual intimacy is beginning to lack in your marriage, you shouldn’t ignore it. You should find a quiet time and place so both of you can discuss your issues openly. And make sure that you take the time to express your actual feelings and concerns and not start finger pointing and bringing back old grievances. This will ensure that the conversation remains constructive and doesn’t become a blame game.
By being both onboard and agreeing to try new things, you are already moving in the right direction. You basically gave permission to each other to expand your horizons and speak on subjects that would’ve been off-limits before. Change is not a single event, it’s a process. By letting yourself ease into change instead of implementing immediate new rules in your relationship, it will allow you to adapt to this new mindset gradually.
Discuss Your Sexual Issues
The last thing you want to do with sexual problems is to sweep them under the rug. For instance, if your partner or you are suffering from erectile dysfunction, saying platitudes like “it can happen to anybody” won’t change much. Also, if this is a persistent issue and both of you have decided to “work around it”, this sounds more like resignation then proactively looking for a solution.
Another recurrent problem is when sex becomes painful your you or your partner. If intercourse becomes painful, you have to make it known to your partner. Some may decide to grin and bear it to not disappoint their partner, but over time, your discomfort will start to show and they might actually think they’re the ones doing something wrong.
The only solution is to talk and talk often. Openly address physical issues and proactively look for ways to fix them. While there are no guaranteed fixes out there, there are virtually always alternatives that can help improve your sex life, as long as you have an open mind about it.
You’d be surprised at how much your overall health and level of fitness can have an effect on your relationship. For instance, ponderal weight for men is one of the greatest causes of a drop in libido. By incorporating high interval intensity training and strength training in your routine, not only will you look and feel better but your libido with soar as well. Regular exercise also improves cardiovascular health and blood circulation, which contributes to your overall mood and sexual performance. Dopamine, the feel-good hormone, is also released in abundance during and after exercise, which contributes to high spirits and a better sex drive.
Go for brisk walks every now and then instead of vegging out in front of the TV. Incorporate some resistance training into your routine by investing in some resistance bands. You could also start yoga or Pilates if you want to improve your overall flexibility and endurance.
Mix it Up
If you want to keep your sex life fresh, then you need a certain element of surprise in there. I’m not saying you should convert your walk-in into a sex dungeon tomorrow, but a little change here and there can be enough to spice things up and keep it interesting.
Maybe you should try being more vocal. While some of us might have reservations or think dirty talk is degrading to their partner, it might actually be a huge turn on to them, so make sure that you talk about it during your discussions.
You could also try new positions as well. You could check out a few books on the subject and try a few of them out. But don’t try to turn every time you have sex into an acrobatics performance. Instead, stick to a few positions that bring both of you the most pleasure without leaving you with a sore back the next day.
And don’t limit sex to the bathroom. Be spontaneous. If you feel like having sex on the kitchen table, go for it. Think outside the box and use places you wouldn’t usually associate with sex to break the routine in your relationship. Change the times you have sex as well. Sex does not have to be a scheduled event and should happen naturally as much as possible. While in some cases, you can arrange a rendezvous to build anticipation, don’t limit yourself to bedtime sex only.
You could also consider various sex toys as well. When used correctly, sex toys can greatly enhance your relationship. Try to pick sex toys that allow both of you to be involved. And don’t be afraid to go wild here and express your fantasies with your partner; you’d be surprised at what they might be into as well. If you’re looking for inspiration and don’t know where to start, you can read more here.
Contact a Professional
There are times when only working with a professional will help. As a matter of fact, you should consider seeing a professional as early as possible. Make sure that you lay everything on the table and that you are truly committed to change. A sex therapist might be able to uncover some of your sexual hang-ups and a couples counselor may be able to identify underlying issues in your relationship. So, make sure that you consider seeking professional help if problems persist.
We sincerely hope these tips will help you bring that spark back into your relationship and make sex something you’ll actually look forward to. Remember to keep open lines of communication and make gradual changes with both of you in mind if you want things to improve over time.