From Loss to Love: A Widow(er)’s Guide to the World of Online Dating 

This is an anonymous reader submitted story 

If you’d told me a few years ago that I’d be writing about online dating after losing my partner, I would’ve laughed (and probably cried a bit). But here we are. Life has a funny way of surprising you — usually just when you’ve made peace with watching boxsets alone forever. 

I won’t pretend it’s easy. Losing someone changes you completely, and the idea of finding love again feels impossible at first. But, after a while, you start to think… maybe it would be nice to talk to someone new. Someone who makes you smile again. 

So if you’re a widow or widower wondering where on earth to start, here’s what I’ve learned. 

Taking That First Step 

Everyone’s timeline is different. Some people try dating again after a few months, others after a few years — there’s no right or wrong time. You’ll know when it feels a bit less terrifying and a bit more possible. 

For me, it started with curiosity. I downloaded a dating app “just to see what it’s like.” I didn’t even plan to talk to anyone at first, but it helped me realise there is a world out there beyond grief. 

If you’re not ready, that’s fine. But if you are even slightly curious, it’s okay to give it a go. No one’s grading you on how quickly you move on. 

Setting Up a Profile Without Losing the Plot 

Writing a dating profile after years (or decades) off the market is… strange. My last “about me” section was probably on Myspace. 

A few tips that helped me: 

*Use a recent photo. You don’t need to look glamorous, just like you. A friendly smile goes a long way. 

*Keep your bio simple. A few lines about what you like doing is enough. You don’t need to write a life story. 

*Be honest (ish). You can mention you’re widowed if it feels right, but it’s not something you have to lead with. I added something like “been through a lot, ready for new adventures.” It kept things open without oversharing. 

And yes, it feels weird at first. You’ll stare at that blinking cursor thinking, “What on earth do I say?” That’s normal. 

Swiping and Chatting 

Once you start chatting to people, take it slow. You don’t owe anyone a reply right away. I found some conversations really nice — even just friendly — while others made me want to throw my phone out the window. 

Don’t be afraid to say no or stop replying if something doesn’t feel right. You owe nothing. 

If someone asks about your past, be honest but only share what you’re comfortable with. You don’t need to explain your whole life story to someone you’ve just met online. 

The Guilt Thing 

This is the bit nobody talks about. You might feel guilty for even thinking about dating again. That’s totally normal. 

At first, I felt like I was betraying my late partner just by going for coffee with someone else. But someone said something that stuck: “You’re not replacing them, you’re adding to your story.” 

You’ll always love the person you lost, but that doesn’t mean your heart can’t grow again. 

A Few Safety and Sanity Tips 

Just some quick things I wish I’d known sooner: 

*Stick to well-known dating sites or apps — there are even ones aimed at people over 40 or widowed singles. 

*Never share personal info too early. 

*Meet in public places and tell someone where you’re going. 

*Don’t ignore red flags — if something feels off, it probably is. 

*And if it all feels too much, it’s fine to go offline or even delete the app for a while and take a breather. 

Finding Hope Again 

The best part about trying online dating isn’t necessarily finding “the one” — it’s remembering that you can connect again. That you can laugh again. 

It’s not all awkward small talk and weird selfies (though there’s plenty of that). Sometimes, it’s just nice to have someone to message in the evening and feel like a person again — not just someone’s widow or widower. 

If you meet someone, great. If not, you’ve still done something brave by trying. 

Dating after loss is messy, awkward, and sometimes hilarious. You might cry, you might cringe, you might even find yourself smiling again — and that’s a start. 

Remember, love after loss isn’t betrayal. It’s healing. And if you decide to give online dating a go, you’ve already taken one of the hardest steps no matter what the outcome.