The Dating Red Flags People Miss Because of Romcom Conditioning 

If someone chased you through an airport today, you’d probably call security — but in a romcom, that’s the moment you’re supposed to realize they’re “The One.” For decades, romantic comedies have sold us an ultra-filtered version of love: grand gestures, emotional chaos, and red flags wrapped in quirky charm. As a result, many confuse persistence with passion, jealousy with devotion, and dysfunction with fate, missing obvious warning signs. Here are several toxic tropes and misconceptions rebranded as romance. 

The guy who doesn’t take no for an answer  

He doesn’t take no for an answer, chasing you across town! Isn’t that romantic? Not really. Ignoring boundaries is coercive. If someone says no, take the hint. People generally struggle with boundaries. A 2024 survey by the APA revealed that almost two-thirds (60%) of people struggled to establish and maintain boundaries in their relationships. This statistic is worrisome as boundaries are essential for balanced and healthy connections. The inability to set them can lead to burnout, resentment, emotional exhaustion, and more. 

The workplace match made in heaven 

The subject of workplace relationships is traditional romcom fodder. The office archenemy is your true love in disguise, and when your eternal love becomes public, all your coworkers are so, so happy.  

Workplace romances aren’t going anywhere IRL: statistics show that over 60% of adults have had one. A Forbes survey found that they aren’t a dream for everyone, even though 43% lead to marriage. Almost that same number (40%) involve relentless workplace gossip, cheating on an existing partner, or accusations of favoritism. You can get fired for an office romance. Many company policies describe different relationships that present grounds for termination, particularly if there is a difference in corporate levels. 

You can change him 

He’s emotionally unavailable, broken, or a mess — but you can change him! You’re not a rehab center. You deserve someone who’s already emotionally available. This is an adult man, not a diaper to be changed. Emotional availability means being present, open, and fully engaged in a relationship. Being available means active listening, sharing feelings, and fostering safety and trust. Lack of emotional availability is something women, in particular, are not likely to tolerate IRL. Women are more likely than men to break up with someone due to emotional accessibility deficits, while men are more likely to break up with a partner due to sexual inaccessibility. Regardless of sex, emotional unavailability is likely to result in mate expulsion.  

The jealous protector 

He punches a guy for looking at you – that’s how much he cares. Romcoms missed the part where he’ll punch you next. Controlling, jealous, or violent behavior is anything but romantic. In fact, a national study reported by Georgia Commission on Family Violence found that 60% of victims of attempted or completed femicide were abused by a partner who controlled all of their activities, and 79% of those abusers were violently jealous, saying things like, “If I can’t have you, no one can.” The study concluded that intense jealousy and severe possessiveness of the victim are precursors to potentially fatal abuse. Perpetrators who went on to murder the victim expressed attitudes of ownership over her 26% of the time.  

How to change the game  

Media conditioning from a young age has taken its toll. We confuse intensity with intimacy. We’re taught that love is supposed to hurt, that it’s a “rollercoaster ride”. Healthy relationships are characterized by consistency, not intensity, and they take work. No “destined” person magically fits you.   

Final thoughts 

Romcoms may have instilled the belief that love always finds a way, but they also taught us to romanticize unhealthy behavior. Real love isn’t about grand gestures after weeks of mixed signals. It’s about showing up, being honest, and respecting each other’s boundaries without the backdrop of a dramatic soundtrack. The sooner you ditch the fantasy, the easier it’ll be to make room for the kind of love that actually feels good in real life.